So therr was this girl I’d liked for years, a good friend of mine. I was a little object who thought all romantic engagement was something I was beneath and would never have. In like 8th grade I asked her to come hang out with me one Friday and pretended to myself it was a date because I thought she’d never ever like me back
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I’m actually wearing the shirt I was wearing that day. And I remember because I kept unbuttoning the buttons because it was hot out and vaguely to flirt with her.
Anyway one day in like sophomore year in early February she sent me a text like “hey [affectionate nickname]… will you be my valentine”’. And I went to a bunch of my online friends being like “this is probably a joke riiight” and they were like no you fucking idiot she is asking you out
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They were nicer than that. Anyway I responded ambiguously such that my response would be appropriate both if it was serious and if it was a bit. And I invited her over for Valentine’s Day and she brought me a sweatshirt as a gift (and I made jokes about that one song…) and I got her chocolates and a plushie. And then shortly after like COVID hit and crucially we rarely ever saw each other in person for a long time
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And she like called me her girlfriend, would clearly flirt with me and such, that kind of thing, I thought we were obviously dating but taking things slow because lol COVID + her parents wouldn’t approve of her being gay very much Average Indian Parents
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And like I thought I was a terrible girlfriend and we didn’t see each other that often and we’d not kissed and I was quite insecure about it. I started to have doubts in my mind about whether she even really thought we were dating at all. Maybe it WAS a joke.
Then after some time I asked her to junior prom and my friend later at school was like “oh yeah she was wondering if you had asked her as a friend or…” and I was like ??? and said “I thought that much would be obvious” cause I didn’t want to confirm or deny…
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And then we had like nice matching-ish outfits and took pictures together and did all such things before prom. And then at prom to a friend she said this:
“Am I gay? I might be gay”
And then started listing the reasons she might be gay and having a serious discussion about it.
It was then that I realized that she fully did NOT think we were dating. And she… knowing I liked girls… asked me out as a joke, called me her girlfriend as a joke, was making flirty comments with me as a joke, went to prom with me, likr, as friends IG?
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And so I just. Didn’t say anythinng. Kinda stepped away. My mom came to pick me up early without mr even asking because the venue was an hour away and she knew I’d want to go home
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And then I just didn’t really talk to her again bevause I was SO embarrassed and had NO IDEA how to reoslve any of that
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mom was like “i raised this individual, i know for a fact my kid aint built for prom”
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I’d gotten into a fight with an enemy (ex-friend) over the limo there and was only begrudgingly allowed in. She thought the ride back would’ve been awkward
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I only recently told her what actually transpired there and she was like “glad I did that lol I just thought you’d feel weird going back with them”
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That fight with the ex friend was in EIGHTH GRADE and she thought I was still mad at her and would make mean comments at her the wholr time so she tried to refuse me entry to the limo
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In hindsight she… like, probably didn’t NOT like me? If she was questioning her sexuality and doing all this stuff as “jokes” and physically closer with me than I’d seen her with anyone. But I was incapable of ever seeing myself as somebody who could be liked romantically, let alone by a GIRL, and I already thought the fact that she had asked me out was insane and impossible and too good to be true. So I just gave up on it altogether
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Plus like I’d spent ages thinking I was in a relationship with her and it was just a bad relationship lol
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yeah from this story it seems like she liked u
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This did not compute as possible in my teenage brain. I basically did not consider myself a person
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Which I feel like explains a lot about certain romantic experiences afterward as well
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i have so much past Lore
but i must not share them to remain a Woman of Mystery
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I’m a woman of unmystery you guys get to know everything
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my romance lore is about what you’d expect (n/a)
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