MIdterm Essay Voting
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katze
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Fortress of Lies University is the most prestigious University I could afford. They paid me to come here, so that I could complete a diversity requirement (something about needing less women), and I’ve loved every second of it. There’s so many clubs and communities, such as the “being hit by katze” club, the Drama Club, and the “hitting katze with bricks” club. There truly is a niche for everyone! And the staff is so cute and polite, I’ve never had a hard time walking up to one of the professors and calling them nerds for daring to work here.
Additionally, FoLU inspired me to be my authentic self. With classes such as
care and Forcefem 101, I’ve discovered who I really want to be, and I’ll be graduating in 2027 with a prestigious degree in endocrinology!
Even beyond graduation, I know that I’ll always have a life back in FoLU. The alumni network is expansive, with FoLers from all around the globe, I know that I’ll always be able to find a little bit of that Fortress of Lies University hospitality no matter where I go.
Plus, the mascot’s really cute
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While FOLU might not have the prestige of more well-known colleges, it provides a truly unique experience to all those who attend. The school offers a wide variety of majors, yet promotes relationships between the students, resulting in some truly exceptional alumni projects that would not be possible without these amazing networking opportunities!
But FOLU also has a lively social scene, with multiple events every day including some run by our top-placing Clocktower Club, Cookie Thread & Quiz bowl teams fostering simultaneous cooperation and competition, which are just several of FOLU’s core values. Speaking of the core values, our new mascot, neil the eel, is able to display these values better than any other university by being a living being.
Even if you’re still somehow on the fence about the decision, you should keep in mind that tuition is still only $25,000 which is outrageously low for the quality of the teachers, many of whom are experts in their own fields that any university would be proud to have, to speak nothing of their devotion towards keeping the entirety of the university running whenever the campus comes across hardships.
Now, some people have expressed that they were put off by the school’s recent controversies, but as optimists, we would like to instead point to how our student body & faculty have adapted & overcome these challenges, which are some of the top skills required in today’s work environment.
While the school makes an effort to deprioritize sports compared to other universities, the school still has a strong D1 BOATSketball team, made up of students who are just as academically focused as everybody else.
Also there’s no fraternities.
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Midterms (idk)
People should join Fortress of Lies University because it is the most outstanding University in all of the land with no risk of danger¹. It is without a doubt the safest* University that anyone could go to with a 100% passrate for students that attend³, especially considering it’s had campus members terminated from the site since the Former School of Wolfing shut down!⁴
Join Fortress of Lies University today and you’ll receive free Ice Cream⁵!
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¹ Fortress of Lies University does not claim this as an official fact and will not be held liable if proven false
² Fortress of Lies University does not claim to be the safest university nor holds any facts that attest to this
³ Fortress of Lies University does not consider students that fail as students that attended the University
⁴ Fortress of Lies University will refuse to comment on whether this is true or false as students are in charge of their own IDs
⁵ Fortress of Lies University has never given free ice cream and will never give free ice cream.
⁶ Fortress of Lies University does not associate with Joyson the Joycat and thus will not take comments on his recent incarceration nor take this to be held that there is an association.
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YOU should join fortress of lies university so next time you shoot someone you can blame morbius
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“join?
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hello.
i hear you’re wondering why you should join fol uni. first and foremost as you could probably tell by my atrocious punctuation grammar is not really that important to us. in fact, no standard subject is important to us. do not worry. you will get a transcript indicating you passed all these “subjects” with flying marks.
now second and bestly, people die here. what, you say? i can only imagine your appalled face, but fear not. it is an honor to die here. to join the likes of heroshotter, blasted to death bc he couldn’t make the boatsketball team (dw, we’ll teach you how to play). to join luka, a vigilante who could kill you if you talked too little or too much (goldilocks, does in fact turn out to be applicable here). to join…nvm. i don’t want to scare you off too much.
thirdly and second-bestly, we have the lowest acceptance rate of any university in the world. lower than the likes of crown, boxford, and lamebridge. after all, not everyone is suited for a respectable death. you are, though. you are worthy. your parents should be proud of you.
fourthly and last-bestly, education here is free. if you don’t die a heroic death, the prosperity you’ll earn for the rest of your life is incredible. but i must warn you don’t get involved with the wrong crowd. no- i cannot tell you who the wrong crowd is. you must figure this out for yourself; it is all part of the final exam.
so join us. because who doesn’t like dying and killing? and before you object, let me tell you. i have read your application very closely. i know what you like, and i know that you’ll accept
Vote for the one(s) you think are best!