I for one don’t think misgendering people is something one should reasonably be able to do, but maybe I don’t understand the culture here.
2 Likes
im going to stop getting into a bad faith argument with you over this when it doesn’t help mist achieve her goal to do so
1 Like
Avoiding implying gender is the issue. This is also Mistyx’s issue. When it comes to ppl familiar with each other, not strangers. It can feel like a backhanded denial of gender identity. Its not a direct denial (for instance he/himming a she/her transwoman) but its still, like, denying the preference to be referred to with fem (for example) pronouns
Misty and Maple aren’t the only ones. Pandora, Jaiden, Marissa, neil_the_eel. None of them like they/them
4 Likes
Yeah, I get that, and I’m obviously not saying you should use those once you’re aware of that
But the pronoun field just seems to me like a pretty good place to make other people aware of that fact in the first place, given the term itself is one people would really only be using specifically to try and avoid misgendering somebody in the first place
2 Likes
Yeah, as tutu says here, the lack of gendering in itself is the problem. For a lot of people having it be casually stripped back is as bad or worse than being gendered differently. And, like misty alludes to here, being on the spot and needing to correct someone – for a lot of people – just really sucks. One shouldn’t have to because it just feels bad! So if we got the pronoun police making sure everyone’s pronoun boxes are filled up with pronouns why wouldn’t they make sure said pronouns get used? Because what’s the point, really?
So like I said, I think it’s reasonable to expect that one can exist and not be misgendered here, and I think it’s good that misty made a thread highlighting this specific issue. Not everyone is perfect, people make mistakes or slips or say the wrong thing – it happens. But it’s a matter of basic respect to at least try, and if one can’t try hard enough to use the pronouns that are beside someone’s name in every single post, then I think that that hypothetical person should go fuck xēaself.
3 Likes
“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH IVE COME TO HATE” pronouns incoming
(/j)
okay ill stop now
1 Like
i could probably be a bit better about this ja
thank you for the reminder
2 Likes
just because something is normalized does not mean that it’s good.
i am going to explain first why i disagree with this argument and then secondarily why it frustrates me.
one - you seem to be under the assumption that using they/them for someone is not misgendering unless they explicitly say it is. that is not accurate. it is different from traditionally gendered pronouns, yes, but a different form of misgendering is still misgendering. you can ask any trans woman you know and there is a high chance they will tell you that they have had to deal with someone using neutral terms for them to pointedly avoid using feminine ones [and before you or anyone else gets on me for this, i used they/them in that sentence because i’m describing a hypothetical person, not a specific one.]
two - like i said before, just because something is normalized does not mean it is okay. just because people default to something does not mean that it is fair, or that they should not be called on it when it isn’t. this can apply to any range of subconscious biases, no matter who the target is, and saying things like this reinforces those biases as “just the way things are”. if people hadn’t challenged the way things were, the world would look radically different, and not in a good way.
onto the second point - this argument frustrates me because you are pushing responsibility onto me for something that negatively affects me. i am a trans woman. anyone who has known me for more than about a year knows this. anyone who has me friended on discord knows this. even most people here who don’t fall into one of those categories probably know this, either from seeing me talk about it somewhere or just simply assuming from context (this is fortress of lies, after all). my pronouns field makes it clear that i want people to use she/her pronouns for me. (we’re pushing the neopronouns to the side, those are more personal and not relevant to this.) this is because i identify as a woman, and i want to be acknowledged as such. when people use they/them for me, they are failing to acknowledge my identity. that is fine from people i have only recently met, but when it is someone i know well, it hurts.
as far as i know, you are a cis man. you are coming into this thread that i have created about my own personal experience and telling me “well you wouldn’t have had this experience if you had made it clearer you didn’t want this”. you are correct that i probably would not have been misgendered like this if i had clarified in my bio that i don’t want people to use they/them for me. however, it is incredibly unfair of you to tell me that my gender presentation is not sufficient for people to not misgender me.
i kept trying to continue this post but nothing felt right, so i’m out of words to say.
5 Likes
3 Likes
that’s a plural they. if you’re only posting to antagonize people i’d prefer if you didn’t at all.
3 Likes
Spoilered by mod intervention
THEN FUCKING SPECIFY IT
Spoilered by mod intervention
THERE IS A PLACE FOR SPECIFICATION.
USE. IT.
neon you are being incredibly unhelpful for literally no reason right now
im not a mod so i cannot do anything about this but its not a good look
3 Likes
like jesus dude
Spoilered by mod intervention
SHE IS COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE DOING A GENERAL THING THAT IS KIND OF REQUIRED FOR THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO FUNCTION WHEN NOT SPECIFIED OTHERWISE AND IS REFUSING TO SPECIFY OTHERWISE
Im guilty of being a serial theyer because in games i spam post and dont click ppls profiles when refer to them so i thought using they was safe to avoid misgendering
Your point about using they results in ignoring chosen genders which matter to a lot of ppl makes sense, i just didnt consider it much
Thanks for sharing, i will remember to take the 2 seconds to scroll up to see ppls pronouns from now on
6 Likes
I think its pretty fair that if you have she/her in your pronoun field and lots of people ignore it and use they instead then its annoying.
3 Likes
Spoilered by mod intervention
Like she is complaining that people use a general descriptor and is also complaining that people are suggesting to place a specification to not use the general descriptor in the place made for specifying EXACTLY FUCKING THAT