anyway my disagreement with this comes in the argument that they/them is the default when pronouns are already specified
in the absence of specific pronouns, sure, but when my pronouns are right next to my name in every post i make i think it is reasonable to expect people to use them
ftr if the main goal is to avoid causing people harm you would just. use the person’s preferred pronouns (unless you are under the opinion that they/them to everyone causes as little harm to everybody as their stated pronouns which is just incorrect) so there has to be some prior/simultaneous goal that leads you to not actually check (e.g. saving time)
and for fear of being harsh - apology not accepted. you have been nothing but rude in this thread and when called on it you made excuses that made it obvious that you were not taking this topic seriously, only apologizing when someone explicitly told you to.
funny tension-breaking pronouns-related one-liner recieving 6 likes and a reply from orange who doesn’t appear to get the joke
As someone who uses they/them for everyone, I don’t see it as me using it because it’s a safe option at all, I’m mostly using it because it’s a clear indicator for who I’m referring to regardless of any situation during games, I’m never using it for ill intentions.
If someone is uncomfortable with being referred to by they/them, then I would 100% take the extra care needed to refer appropriately, such as yourself (I’m 100% an aggressor when it comes to referring to you by the wrong pronouns, and for that, I apologise)
I’m going to be honest, at first I saw the pronouns as being useful, but as time has gone on, they’ve sort of just blended in with the site, I barely see them now unless I go out of my way to look at them, not sure if this is the right or the wrong thing.
I fully understand the argument, especially in your own case, but as someone who falls victim to the trap of referring to everyone by the exact same thing, I’ve never meant it with ill intention
tl;dr, I will look better, but if there’s ever an issue, always inform people the same way as if people were used as the opposite gendered pronoun. People such as myself aren’t dismissive on purpose, but just always send a message, it’s generally the best way to get people to remember
fair
marissa that’s the dumbest idea ive ever heard and just for suggesting it im making your personal pronoun field limit 1 character
only need 1 for u bb
LOL
I’m the same way about that.
Same
Personally for me its less of an issue of “I don’t remember someone’s pronouns so I use they” but more often “I end up using they automatically”
Even when writing this example, I originally typed the first quote as “I don’t remember their pronouns” before noticing
I’m going to try my best to change this but will probably mess up so it’d be helpful if I’m corrected on it when I do
As for the argument about specifying… I would probably have to think more about it before saying any thoughts, except that I don’t see any harm in people who are OK with “they”, and are OK with specifying that, doing so
I believe the problem of ‘blinding they instead of [correct pronouns]’ mainly comes from an ingrained habit in queer communities where pronouns aren’t nearly as accessible as they are here (this considers pronouns in title being a relatively new change here). I believe that people don’t significantly change their behaviors between communities except in significant circumstances.
That was an attempt to diagnose what the cause is.
I believe that the ideal is a cultural shift to checking before referring. I also believe that this can be an ask.
(Mod hat) I certainly could throw down the hammer and consider it misgendering to use they irresponsibly. I believe it would be incorrect to do so, though given the aforementioned ingrained behaviors.
I believe the current play involves a bit on mods’ end and a bit on users’ end. Adding extra space to pronouns field so people can clarify their wants? Totally viable. That matters only as far as people read the damn thing though. I believe people will likely need reminders to check the pronouns field. I am willing to do my part to that end, wherever I see it.
Apologies for delayed response on the matter. I needed some time to collect my thoughts.
Regardless, I think this is a reasonable issue to have.
i pretty much agree with all of this yeah
the goal of this thread was ideally to kickstart that cultural shift though i can’t lie i might have gotten overly personal about it
my reluctance to correct people directly is rooted in bad experiences with correcting people - i have had several instances where ive corrected someone on my or someone else’s pronouns and they’ve taken it as an attack
and to be bluntly honest certain reactions in this thread make me think that it wouldn’t be impossible for the response i would have gotten to be “well they/them is neutral so you shouldn’t be upset about it”
completely understandable concern
i mean just because it is neutral doesn’t mean you don’t have every right to politely ask people to stop doing something that upsets you
and if they don’t stop that’s just being antisocial and is behavior that has no place on Fortress of Lies
but yeah i totally get how wording that directly as a response is pretty tough to do in a way that feels good for both sides (and thats part of why i think explicitly signposting it is a good idea, personally - much easier to just tap the sign than to “go out of your way” to request they not say something they’ve said, or however that might be interpreted)
cis people, you don’t have to fight tooth and nail to get your identities acknowledged and respected
maybe consider that there’s a double standard involved where you expect us to constantly clarify our entire experience with gender and whether or not we feel uncomfortable with being degendered
this is all i’m going to say because if I said what I wanted to say upon reading this thread then I’d make things worse.
orange, i have on this site been told to shut up for correcting someone on pronouns
and the mod team is not unaware of this, i told a mod about it, said person is still allowed and active on the site
and this is not a criticism of the mod team, i’m not saying this person should have been banned or anything, i’m just saying that this is far less of a simple situation than you seem to think