completely understandable concern
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i mean just because it is neutral doesn’t mean you don’t have every right to politely ask people to stop doing something that upsets you
and if they don’t stop that’s just being antisocial and is behavior that has no place on Fortress of Lies
but yeah i totally get how wording that directly as a response is pretty tough to do in a way that feels good for both sides (and thats part of why i think explicitly signposting it is a good idea, personally - much easier to just tap the sign than to “go out of your way” to request they not say something they’ve said, or however that might be interpreted)
cis people, you don’t have to fight tooth and nail to get your identities acknowledged and respected
maybe consider that there’s a double standard involved where you expect us to constantly clarify our entire experience with gender and whether or not we feel uncomfortable with being degendered
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this is all i’m going to say because if I said what I wanted to say upon reading this thread then I’d make things worse.
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orange, i have on this site been told to shut up for correcting someone on pronouns
and the mod team is not unaware of this, i told a mod about it, said person is still allowed and active on the site
and this is not a criticism of the mod team, i’m not saying this person should have been banned or anything, i’m just saying that this is far less of a simple situation than you seem to think
like, honestly, i’m not sure how you can look at the fact that i very publicly got cussed out in this thread for insisting that it wasn’t my responsibility to specify that i didn’t want people to use pronouns i don’t say i prefer because those pronouns are the “default” and say that i shouldn’t worry about people reacting negatively to that
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I am 100% agreeing with you that people are going to react negatively to that in a lot of cases, despite it being an entirely valid ask
Sorry if that was unclear
then im not sure what you’re trying to say
Summary
“people who say you shouldn’t be upset about it because it’s neutral are wrong”
“people who continue to use pronouns you have asked them to expressly not use are engaging in behavior that is against site policy (and that I would personally call antisocial)”
“In spite of the above, I completely understand why finding a way to ask people directly in the moment can be challenging to do in a way that won’t cause them to feel like they’re being attacked or something, since asking that can be easily be interpreted as “going out of your way” to correct them (a feeling nobody likes being on the receiving end of, even if the request being made is completely valid, and tends to put people on the defensive).”
so yeah i was pretty much just agreeing with your entire post, just out of order somewhat
the only real reason I made it was specifically because of Neon’s entirely-unwarranted explosion potentially muddying the waters about whether you have a right to be concerned in the first place (you do)
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I would like to clarify an aspect of our stance on misgendering. Not only is deliberately using the wrong pronouns not tolerated, willfully ignoring someone’s requested pronouns in favor of using other pronouns is still misgendering and will be moderated as such. While we understand that mistakes may happen, players are expected to make an effort to use the pronouns other users request.
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Wanted to comment on this earlier but didn’t have a sec. Completely agree that people should make a serious effort to use people’s preferred pronouns rather than simply defaulting to “they”
I understand that people use “they” out of habit, when it’s effort to check people’s pronouns, or to be safe (and I am definitely guilty of doing this too). But when a person has their pronouns listed right next to their name, there’s really no reason not to use them. I get that we can sometimes be lazy, and it might take a few extra seconds to draft our posts, but that isn’t a good reason not to show people the basic respect they deserve
Even if you don’t understand WHY this matters to people, it costs you nothing to do it, and it can mean a lot to the person you’re referring to. People don’t have to explain their identity to you - you should respect it regardless. People shouldn’t have to clarify what pronouns they dislike - we should use the pronouns they tell us to use
On that note, I just want to remind people that editing in-game posts to correct pronouns is allowed!!
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And just a quick reminder: if you want to engage in this discussion, please be respectful
We are moderating this thread under the same Global Rules as all others
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ici beat me to the punch to blame cis people (i talked my self out of posting it yesterday, she’s my top villager for committing to doing it tho)
i think being afraid to correct ppl is like unfortunately fair because people suck and telling you “just do it anyway” isnt particularly useful but imo anyone who takes it as a personal attack is extremely uninformed/oblivious at best and more likely a wolf (and you’re not paired with them so you’re town) so i’d still personally urge you to stand up for yourself in the future
marissa had a pretty hedgy post on this all as well but i’ll soulread her as town because she’d have tried harder as a wolf
imo geyde/chloe are too focused on iioa so we should vote them out
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what’s your read on me
I’ll note that I have used the pronoun field a lot but sometimes it’s after the fact, where I’ll say something and then check it after. So I can confirm that I at least read it so someone’s reading it. I don’t remember how good I’m at remembering to use pronouns instead of they but I do remember getting better at it due to people like Neil who do call it out. So calling it out at least helps some people.
what
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hang on, I just needed to reread it again.
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not to make this a callout at all but this was prompted by you doing it to me a good amount in the cressening
but also it didnt register to me until during the night where i died so i couldn’t actively correct you on it
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